I recently stumbled upon the eulogy I wrote for my father, Bob Banta, in 2007. I feel so fortunate to FEEL the presence, the essence and light of my father within myself as I write and when I choose and move throughout my day. We are the sum of our many parts, and a most important part, the pieces of our parents which teach and guide us, not always easy, but there, present and if we’ll but look deeply enough, most beautiful.
From February 2007
Robert Leroy Banta: Eulogy 02-27-07
I’d like to thank everyone for your presence here for honoring my father, Bob,…Dad. I know that he too would be so very thankful for your thoughtfulness in being here and your honoring of his life.
I have personally received so many gifts and lessons from my father throughout my lifetime, many not as apparent until the last decade. Aside from some of the most notable, my love of travel, learning to ski, the art of fine dining, how to take care of my things, the importance of quality and fine stone and sink fixtures throughout the house,…I do however remember a few key truths which he shared and which were so uniquely ‘Bob.’
One was that growing old was not for sissies. Many of you might attest to this. He was no sissy indeed and demonstrated an amazingly positive attitude during all of his health challenges. And let’s not forget the absolute angel he has had at his side for over 22 years, my loving and devoted step mother, Theresa. We call her Saint Theresa. Our entire family can not begin to express our gratitude and thankfulness for the patience and loving kindness you have given to our father over the years. Thank you Theresa. We know how very much he loved you and how you devotedly loved him in return and what wonderful memories you shared.
He was indeed not the easiest man in the world to live with, but so thankful for you and of course loved by us all!! We will always be here for you Theresa.
A second truth my father shared with me was during my years as an artist and was also quite memorable. I remember having some rare one-on-one time with him where we were talking about the nature of money. He noted that while money was not everything,…it did rank right up there with oxygen! (Maybe not an original thought but an eye opener to me who had briefly forgotten to reach for the stars)! Having been through my own share of colorful experiences and life lessons, I have taken both adages to heart.
Mostly I have taken my father into my heart and the preciousness of life, in the most unexpected ways.
It was no secret to my father or myself that we did not always see eye to eye. I inherited both his stubbornness, and perhaps unfortunate though it is, ability often to see only ‘my’ way. It was my mother who reminded me of a phrase most useful in relationships. When faced with an argumentative situation with a loved one, you simply and calmly admit,….. ’Hmmmmmm, You MIGHT be right.’ Emphasis of course on the word, ‘MIGHT.’
My brother and I found a wonderful photo the other day of our grandfather in his early years, a tall handsome man. On the back of the photo with a quote by Mark Twain written by my grandfather to his son, Bob. The quote read, ‘When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant, I could barely stand being around him. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.’ Oh for the patience of parents with their children,…. and children for their parents!
I remember too our Wednesday night dinners with Bob after my parents were divorced. Our favorite place to eat was the Horse Inn. I have fond memories of tenderloin tips on toast, large yummy french fries with plenty of ketchup and tall coca colas. Dad would never order fries but always has his hand in ours. (My step children scold me for doing the same thing). One Wednesday it was just Dad and me at dinner. We were being extremely vocal, as was our way, about some issue we disagreed upon, hotheaded ‘Bantas’ to the core. Exhausted and exasperated, I remember a nearby waitress coming over and exclaiming how wonderful she thought it was that we could express so freely to one another. I was flabbergasted. Really?????
Regardless of the many lessons we learn through the ones we love, I have come to know the idea that we are indeed fleeting bits of molecules and flesh during this brief lifespan and not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather spiritual beings having rather unique human experiences. And I know that Bob’s was rich indeed. I believe also that our souls pick the parents who we are to best learn from during our lifetime. I am so very grateful for all I have learned through having Bob as my parent.
At nearly my own half century point, I know that for all the things that did not come easily between me and my father, I have received from him in many ways. I value the importance of connection with others, the ability to express, to be passionate and to move forward in my life with conviction and certainty. And mostly, through my father, I have learned the incredible power of forgiveness and total love. He, in his inimitable ‘Bob’ way, is also my angel. I look forward to our continued soul connection and fine dining together in the hereafter.
My wish for him is that his heart be filled with deep love and that he experience a great peace within his soul. If our souls do indeed experience many lifetimes, I am eager to connect again with him to share the stories of all we’ve meant to one another. Blessings and peace to you Dad. Our love is with you always. From all of us who love you, God bless you Daddy.