Joan of Arc heard them. I hear them if I’m listening. I’m not sure what part of me they are, but similar to my belief that God is part of me (we are not separate), I feel similarly about the guiding voice over my shoulder. I live alone, (well…me, six mammals and two fish), so perhaps it’s easier for me to “listen” with few humans in the vicinity.
I’ve been waking up with terrible headaches of late. I feel on uncertain footing, as this is extremely rare for me. I’m not sure what’s up, but something’s knocking on my head; something wants attention, and I’ve not yet figured what. I’ve not always trusted my little voice, but the awkward pounding in my head tells me that something is afoot, abreast, amuck, aghast or coming ashore!
I pose a question – what makes all this discomfort and uncertainly worthwhile, (besides the Excedrin finally taking hold)? Fulfilling an inner drive and passion within my heart, friendships forged (especially through adversity), moving successfully through challenge and meeting new growth, expanded awareness …. those things, to start. Also, the opportunity to contribute to a greater good, to have an influence which might matter, moving through doubt and fear, and finding my strength (a power I didn’t know I had). The downside consists of the parts that hurt: losing myself, losing others I’ve loved, feeling adrift and alone, caught up in my thoughts, ahead of myself, forgetting to appreciate the journey, and wanting “more”…whatever that is.
I’m reminded of the answers both my brothers and I gave when we were asked an all too familiar question as youngsters.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Jeffrey, five years older than me, answered, “A screw driver.” He was the pragmatic one!
Johnny, three years older than me, answered, “I’ll wait and see what happens.” (Soooo Johnny).
And me? I said, “A blue elephant.” ?????
I even perplex myself ‘round every curve. With that memory, I consider these voices, that voice, THE guiding voice in my head, (also in Joan’s no doubt). I suspect it’s a “higher” part of me, a part of me that knows a bit more (maybe LOTS more) than my mere human self.
I met a lovely woman last evening from the French-Canadian part of the world. She had a mellifluous accent. She shared that she is very happy in her life just now, but had previously been unhappy for many years. I asked, “What changed in you? What did you do to make this shift?” Her reply was, “I just decided to be happy, and I am.” This struck me. It reminded me to trust the process of living. I have such lofty dreams and have to remind myself to listen, breathe and trust the voices which guide me, ask me to sit with the uncertainty and ask me to be brave and to trust that my blue elephant or some other prize will be ahead. This path is exactly the one I’m meant to follow!