Twelve years ago my world flipped around, me like a cat in a dryer….a sturdy Maytag, adament on keeping me tumbling for some time….
Twelve years ago my mom died.
Kitty Vogel circa 1987
Kathryn Royer Vogel Myers Banta Richards Richards Vogel, left the physical plain and I was catapulted into ‘adulthood’.
Feeling her soul leave her body was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. She had put herself into hospice on Sunday, I flew in on Monday or Tuesday and she died the next day, after waiting for my sister-in-law, Shelly, to return from Germany.
All the people she loved were present, the very way I’d like to die, (I think). She had said good-bye to a great many people, aunts, uncles. She opened her morphine influenced eyes to blink at Miles, my nephew, her grandson, (their favorite thing to do together was to go out and eat a big steak, followed up by a hot fudge sundae).
Kitty’s body had shriveled over the several months after an invasive operation meant to take care of a ‘spot’ that might cause an annuerism. I don’t know all the specifics, only that at 74 years old the surgeons cut her from the top left part of her body through the bottom right, much like you might when slaughtering a cow. It was invasive beyond measure and she never recovered. During her recovery she shared with me that she felt like a yard sale, her parts scattered about.
And then today, today….I had the opportunity to visit with two people who I care for very, very much….two people who in secret ways have made a significant impact on me….playing a variety of roles in my life. Today marked a noticeable expansion time for me….I connected some scattered dots, strengthened some connections and drew a line across a turbulent river with a rope, a rope that I’ll hold onto as I keep my focus keenly on my goals.
And I have many goals and no they aren’t small, but gargantuan and meaningful to me. And they are both what fuel me and what I need to feel full.
To feel support in your world is like having a fan applied to your fire….it can only grow.
I am thankful for friends, challenges we experience, heartache at times, soul ache too….I’ve been all around the map and am happy today, to be here, with people who matter to me, to feel my flexibility of spirit and my strength of heart.
I know who I am and there’s something to that.
Thank you to the people who matter and for what they see in me when I can’t.
I ask only how I might extend my love back to them.
With love,
BB Webb